The Man’s Rules

After Andy Rooney’s tribute to all women above 40, here are some for the MAN by the MAN……

Men Still "Rule" (Somehow)

Finally, the guys’ side of the story.

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down(I must admit, it’s pretty good.) We always hear ‘the rules’from the female side

Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules!

Please note… these are all numbered ‘1’ ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If       it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down.
   You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it    down.

1. Sunday sports It’s like the full moon or the changing    of the tides. Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
   Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work!    Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost    every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving    it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your    girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an    argument. In fact, all comments become null and void    after 7 Days.

1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask    us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and    one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the    other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how    you want it done. Not both. If you already know best    how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say    during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and    neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default    settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour.    Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. Men do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say ‘nothing,’ We will    act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it    is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to,    expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you    wear is fine… Really.

1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are    prepared to discuss such topics as football or motor    sports.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape !

Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight. But did you know men really don’t mind that? It’s like camping!

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About Shiv Rana

A veteran of the Indian Army.
This entry was posted in Light Conversation and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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